That's what she said.

Wow. Sorry it's been so long. A LOT has happened.

The past two weeks have been filled with celebrity sightings, embarrassment, red carpet parties, and a ton of caffeine.

I guess I should start with Avenue Q. It was fabulous. Puppets sexing each other up onstage.

Okay, maybe I'll back up. Let me set the scene. Savannah Duncan. Melted chocolate bar. My dirty mind. And Morgan Freeman. Intrigued?

Morgan Freeman is performing in a play on Broadway called "The Country Girl." It is located next to Avenue Q and both places share a back stage door where the actors go in. Coincidentally, this door is located where they make Avenue Q goers wait in line before going into the theatre. There stood Sav and I. A constant theme I have noticed with Savannah is that she sneaks chocolate into every theatre we venture into. Chocolate has never been a problem for me before, in fact, as a woman I lump it in with some of my favorite things. John Mayer, Rock n Roll, shoes, Jesus, Chocolate...

Anxious for the show, Savannah decided to pull out her chocolate bar and eat it while we were waiting in line. It had melted in her purse. Upon seeing this fact, Sav shouts, "It's not hard anymore!"

....really??

I couldn't help it.

"That's what she said!" I shout.

Now let's rewind.

As Savannah is unwrapping her chocolate a man is walking toward us, as she exclaims her displeasure with the state of her food, the man squeezes by me, saying, "Excuse me." I look up as I shout, "That's what she said." It's Morgan Freeman. I said, "That's what she said" to Morgan Freakin' Freeman. Being the regal and talented man he is, Mr. Freeman kept his composure and continued to his stage door.

Like saying 'sex' to my grandpa.
I was mortified. It was as if I spit on the "Shawshank Redemption" and told him "The Bucket List" was the worst thing I'd ever seen.


On a less embarrassing note, I finally got to attend a red carpet event that I wasn't covering for a media outlet. It was purely leisure. In honor of the upcoming All-Star Games, MLB.com hosted a red carpet party at Club '33 on Broadway. I went with my friend, Nora, and her sister, Bella.



We were up to our chins in professional baseball players. I'm not complaining. Alyssa Milano was there promoting her new clothing line, and Jeter was also. I danced with a Diamondback. Grey Goose sponsored an open bar and they had Wii's set up with baseball games around the club. And the best part...I got swag. Free stuff from Milano's line, Grey Goose and MLB.

The coolest part was when Wyclef, the reggae rapper was inches from me. I'm totally name-dropping and I'm not apologizing for it. He performed for the event, but we stood next to him on the red carpet. It was awesome.



I pitched an idea I had to some people at NBC and it went really well. I might be talking to some West Coast people about it soon.

Today was ridiculous. We went to Billboard, The New York Times, Elle Magazine, and the New York Stock Exchange.



The Times just celebrated their year anniversary in their new building. It was definitely a cool place. Apparently, they have a constant problem with people climbing up the outside walls; something like 3 people have scaled it in the past few months. They are constructing barriers to keep people back now.

They have an art exhibit in the lobby that consists of computer screens that randomly have sentences and pictures that flitter on and off of them. They have two walls lined with these little screens. The cool thing is that the words and pictures are actually snippets from the New York Times database. So pieces of stories are randomly streaming over the screens.




I think it has been a small goal of mine to be in the newsroom of the New York Times. Standing there, I think I got a contact high of sorts. Great journalism by association.

We ate lunch in the cafeteria there. It puts NBC's caf to shame. Best. Sushi. Ever.

Elle Magazine was another highlight. I saw Nina Garcia's former office! We were forbidden to ask any questions regarding her...joblessness.

Elle Mag is a pretty fabulous place, but not to look at. They have the most boring white walls that actually look pretty dingy. Their fashion closet is nothing like the one in "The Devil Wears Prada." It's just filled with racks and racks of clothing. We saw all the clothes Anne Hathaway will be trying on for her upcoming shoot. Nora and I decided they were about a size 3 (she's almost normal-sized!).



The view is fabulous. You could see the Statue of Liberty. Everyone who worked there looked amazingly put together. I felt frumpy.

I wasn't very excited about the New York Stock Exchange at first. It was hot outside. They made us wait forever. But we saw the Closing Bell and watched everyone scatter and it was totally worth it.



Things I learned this week:

-Yelling dirty jokes in public is never a good idea.
-Baseball players are amazingly good-looking in AND out of those baseball pants.
-You can scale The Times, and I might if it means I climb up to the Sushi Bar on the 14th floor.
-Nora Barak is quite possibly one of the coolest people ever.
-Swag rocks, as do red carpet events.
-I have to find a way to stay in this city longer.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Lauren and I got trapped under a bridge in Central Park. This may or may not have been the bridge from "Home Alone 2." The moment we stepped into the park, it began to rain. We made it to the bridge and as the rain fell harder, more people showed up. However, the water started rising and I began to think this is how people on the Titanic felt.

I felt like a troll, camped out under a bridge. Getting pruny fingers. My clothing getting all damp.

We huddled together for 45 minutes until the foot of water began to recede. We met some Jews and British people. And there were some homeless guys, but they weren't very social. It was interesting. Everyone was getting really anxious and nervous, but those homeless guys were just riding it out. They were very patient and calm. I was freaking out because the water was going to ruin my purse.

Talbot's birthday was this week. We went out for dinner and drinks. I exploited her birthday to get shots for Channel One about drinking and alcohol. Mixing business with pleasure is never a good idea, especially when it involves booze.

Tonight we are having a rooftop party to watch the fireworks at Savannah's.

It's my half birthday. I feel like I should celebrate almost being another year older.

"Employee of the Month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time." -Demetri Martin

"We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write, so let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I would like you to look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area." -Michael Scott



I was trying to think of a way that didn’t make me sound like a snob and full of myself to tell ya’ll my good news, but then I said, “why not?” so I am going to brag to my heart’s content. This may be the only time in my life I get to say it...

I’m an executive producer.

Yes. That’s right. Found out today.

It has a nice ring to it. Tracy Barnes; Executive Producer, NBC Universal.

I need business cards. HaHa. Maybe one day.

I told my friend, Stephen, this was the best thing to happen to me since I got boobs. To which he replied, “Inappropriate.” I think that really means, “Congratulations.”

"Ideas are like beards, men do not have them until they grow up." -Voltaire

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t even know if I want to grow up. Growing up implies you have learned from mistakes, taken chances and jumped off the deep end into a life of paying taxes.

I believe it was the great Bob Dylan who told me, "May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true. May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you. May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong. May you stay forever young.”

I happen to like the small dependence upon my parents with which I still cling to. I like to think it makes them feel closer to me; that we still have that bond. Ha. I’m sure they are counting down the days until I graduate.

In many ways I don’t want this life of mediocre responsibility to end. I am in charge of my few bills, my dogs, my terribly paid jobs, my grades and myself. Come December I’ll need a 401K and a cheap place to live. Right now I fret about what I’m going to do on Saturday night. In a few months I have a feeling I’ll be going into work on weekends.

I see so many homeless people here, who have made a career of it. I wonder what their stories are, how they ended up this way. I wonder how many of them had a tragedy, or if it was just laziness. I wonder if they have a disability, or if their only friend is Bad Luck. And today, I wondered how many of them just couldn’t take the plunge into the Real World and somehow, through their avoidance of responsibility were thrust into the harshest world of all. This makes me positive about the fact that the Real World eventually finds everyone, whether they are prepared for it or not.

My summer class met for it’s mandatory weekly meeting yesterday. We went to the New York Public Library to listen to an author speak. She writes for the New York Times and has just published a book. As an aspiring writer, I was extremely excited to hear her.

She was young. Mid-twenties. Mousy. Wearing the author’s typical black drab. She wore round glasses in thin frames which she constantly took off and placed the ear piece of in her mouth, pensively, before quickly putting them on top of her head and then immediately, deciding she desperately needed them, would put them back on her face. This was an excruciating process that went on for an hour and a half.

I was let down for some reason to see the unoriginality of it all; the black, the glasses, the waif-like appearance. And then she spoke and I began to think I was heading into the wrong career.

Like the authors portrayed in movies, she was arrogant and had funny ways of pronouncing the strangest words; almost as if she did it on purpose. People in the audience would nod in agreement and chime in as she made what they believed were ‘smart’ comments on life and the world in general. I couldn’t stand it. She was everything I did not want to be in an author. She was everything I did not want to be in a speaker. I did not want to become her. She made me scared of the Real World.

Hopefully, our parents have deemed it a mission to brace us for the inevitableness of life; if only for the fact they will grow sick of us when we are thirty living in their basement, never venturing outside because the sunlight hurts our eyes. But, I like to think on top of that is my parents’ desire for me to do better; to make something of myself which they can brag about in line at Walmart to my retired sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Schwitzer. Yes, the one who always spoke with her eyes closed and wore tragic knitted sweaters with teddy bears and snowmen.

When I begin to think about my parents’ dreams for me, I immediately see them wanting me to have a job. A real job. Not the kind where I sit at home and write all day. I know they also picture a wedding. This is almost scarier than getting a real job where I don’t just sit at home and write all day.

Marriage.
Marry.
Wed.

I used to be that girl who talked to her girlfriends about her dress and what colors she wanted and how she was going to do her hair. Yes, I was that girl. Sometime around high school I came around. It’s not that I don’t want to get married. It’s not that I’m not a romantic. I think it’s just that I’m not as hopeful anymore. I think as our innocence goes, so does our endless amount of hope that everything will turn out alright and that your life will end like the fairytales your mother plopped in the VCR to distract you so she could have and hour and thirty minutes to herself.

I am a firm believer that Disney did distort and perhaps ruin my perception of men. They are not valiant, they are not rugged and handsome at all times and they are definitely not all good dressers and princes. I remember also being disappointed that carpets couldn’t fly me across town and that no one could really talk with animals. But that’s another blog post all together.

My good buddy (I use the term loosely, as we have yet to meet), author Sloane Crosley, makes a good point in her book, “I Was Told There’d be Cake.”

“I have never pictured my own wedding. I do want to get married. It’s a nice idea. Though I think husbands are like tattoos-you should wait until you come across something you want on your body for the rest of your life instead of just wandering into a tattoo parlor on some idle Sunday and saying, ‘I feel like I should have one of these suckers by now. I’ll take a thorny rose and a “MOM” anchor, please. No, not that one-the big one.’”

I have friends who have taken the plunge, and God bless them, they are the brave ones. I envy them. I gave all my love to Rocky and Rolley to have any left for a real man.




Loves of my life.

Like, Omigod, Omigod you guys!

Front row center.

Right up there.

That's where Savannah and I sat during Legally Blonde: The Musical.
It was awesome! Savannah and I, in true Elle Woods fashion, got dolled up in our pink dresses and looked fabulous. The songs and cast were great, I am so glad we were able to see the original cast before they left.

Sav and I also went and saw an improv comedy group at The Upright Citizen's Brigade Comedy Club. I don't know if you remember the Amy Poehler comedy of that same name on Comedy Central, but it was based off this club. It was a great show. The writers behind 30 Rock and The Office got together to perform.

Monday morning is tomorrow...definitely not ready for that one. We have our class, another thing I'm not looking forward to. Why is it the weekends go so fast and the weekdays go so slowly?